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#1046531 Bangkok Trip Report, 21 Years Ago, w/ Photos

Posted by RhinoTusk on 24 October 2013 - 07:53 AM

Flashback: October 1992.  Arrive from SFO, first time in Thailand, freshen up at the Tower Inn on Silom Road and I'm ready for action.  A 15 minute walk to Patpong, I have no problem finding it, but there's nothing happening.  It's too early!





Here's how the scene looks like today


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Order some dinner and a few margaritas at Patty's Fiesta and snapped this one standing in front of the restaurant at the mouth of Patpong 1.




The food was awful, but Patty's is still around, and so is the MacDonalds across the street




When beer bars opened I ordered a bottle of Kloster, which I preferred over Singha, the only other option.  There were a couple girls sitting at the bar, so thought I'd 'test the water' and buy one a drink.  Anxious about what would happen, her English skills left much to be desired so conversation was difficult, but I was truly amazed when she reached down, grabbed by crotch and started rubbing my dick.  "You like?", she asked.  I had heard the stories but I couldn't believe it, this never happened at home.


I visited some GoGos and eventually King's Castle I.  It looked exactly as it does today, less some cigarette burns in the upholstery.  There were some very attractive girls and I was ready for my first bar fine.  One of the best lookers just happened to sit next to me, maybe not so coincidently, so I bought her a drink.  Her name was Yu, she was 24, from up north "near Lao". 


The bar fine was 335 baht.  I'd done research and knew I had to pay the girl separately, but had no idea how much to offer.  There were no online forums like this in 1992, I was in the dark.  Frommes and Lonely Planet didn't have this kind of information.  "How much you gib me?", she asked.  I thought I would start with a low initial offer and let her bargain me up, so I said 500 baht, less than I'd offer a crack whore in The Mission.  She was so pretty, I feared she might slap my face for insulting her, but all she said was "OK", and we were off in a taxi.  Fare had to be negotiated because there were no meters.




The next day I did some touristy stuff, visited the Royal Palace, Chinatown, and took a boat up River City.  With no roads, suddenly I could breathe again.  It's difficult to describe just how bad the air quality was back then.





In the evening, I went back to Patpong and met Nuen.




The next day I visited Wat Sasket since I'd read about it in some guide book.  Climbing to the top was quite exhausting, and suddenly I realized there weren't other farangs around.  On the way back down, I encountered a twelve year old kid.  I looked down at him through my Jake & Elwood sunglasses and I'll never forget how his eyes lit up.  He turned to his friends and said "Arnold Swartzenag", and they were all very excited.  My Tuk-Tuk driver laughed, "He think you movie star."


I had the driver drop me at Soi Cowboy.  Nana Plaza was just restaurants then, but I had read about how Soi Cowboy was named after a black ex-serviceman from Wyoming, the late T.G. "Cowboy" Edwards.  Bars weren't open in the late afternoon, and as I was walking through the soi, I noticed a sign on one of the bars that read:



                                                                             Crazy Perverts Party Here

                                                                       If you're easily shocked or offended

                                                                              KEEP THE FUCK OUT!!!



Took this shot near soi 23.  Note Moonshine Joint and Suzy Wongs (girl in red dress).





This is today.





I had dinner at a fast food restaurant called Tikkiburger, an extremely spicy potato patty, like nothing I'd ever tasted, and I was blowing fire like a dragon.


I took this snap of the Asoke Intersection, down Sukhumvit towards Nana.  You can see Times Square of the left and the Westin on the right.  The Sheraton Grade would be built 4 years later and the Seafood Market ("If it swims we have it") has since moved to soi 24.






Can't see much from that same pedestrian overpass today.




I hadn't expected Halloween would be observed, the King's Group was having a big shindig back on Patpong.




I returned to Kings Castle I.  Yu had called my hotel just a half-hour after she left, inviting me back to her bar.  Guess I overpaid, ruining it for all punters henceforth.  But Yu wasn't there and I met another girl that had lived in Germany a year and could speak very good English.  She asked me where I was from.  "San Francisco", I said.  "Aren't there a lot of faggots there?", she asked.  You travel half way around the world just to discover The City isn't famous for Rice A-Roni. 




The next day I picked up the silk suits I'd ordered from the tailor at the Siam Shopping Center and wore one to Patpong.  I had girls crawling all over me, just as I wanted.  There were more girls but I've lost the film, was lucky to find this.  I bought a cheap film scanner last week and this is the first time I've had these in digital form.


Here are some shots from Silom Road, and from the roof of the Tower Inn.





And that's the way it was, 21 years ago.  Hope you've enjoyed reading as much as I've enjoyed reminiscing.  Cheers.

  • 24

#1177675 Mae Hong Son

Posted by RhinoTusk on 10 March 2017 - 07:22 AM

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The "city of three mists" in the northwest corner of Thailand, capital of the province. Remote and mountainous, nestled in a narrow valley just a few kilometers from the border with Myanmar.  About 260 km from Chiang Mai, 5.5 hours by minibus because of the 1,864 curves in the road.  Pai lies about halfway and draws most of the tourists, making Mae Hong Son an excellent destination to escape the hordes.  Temperatures ranged from an afternoon high of 37 to an evening low of 15.




I didn't care to spend 5.5 hours (each way) on a minibus, so I took the Bangkok Air prop plane from Chiang Mai, a 30 minute flight.  Fares will remain competitive as long as more than one airline services the airport.


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Alternately, Kan Air uses the more modern jet aircraft


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Stayed at the Panarama Hotel, centrally located, 600 baht during high season, clean but basic.  The elderly woman that runs it is very friendly and helpful.


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Wat Jong Kham


Situated on the lake in the middle of town.  


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A helicopter dropped some para-gliders


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Street vendors appear at sunset as folks gather to picnic or for a leisurely stroll around the lake.


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Tried a few restaurants on the lake.  Sunflower was just OK but the Salween River restaurant, near the police station, was better. 


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Featuring Sham and Burmese food, as well as Thai, I ordered this chicken casserole, portion was more than I could finish, for 70 baht.


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Wat Phra That Doi Kong Mu


Towering over the valley, the twin stupas aren't that impressive but do offer some nice views.


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You can ring the bell without having to buy everyone a round.


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Su Tong Pae, The Bamboo Bridge


About 12 kilometers north of town, a lovely 900 meter bamboo bridge spanning rice paddies, connecting the village of Ban Kung Mai Sak with temple Wat Pu Sama.


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There's actually two bridges, one for just crossing the river


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This couple caught out in the sun too long


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Some other interesting characters about


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The Crossroads biker bar stays open "late" (i.e. midnight).  At the town's busiest intersection, by 11 PM there's vehicle every 3-4 minutes.  Two hot young farang women were leaving just as I was arriving, noticed them earlier by the lake, slamming down large bottles of Chang.  I took a seat at the open air bar and ordered a drink just as one of the girls dropped her pants, squatted, and took a pee in the street.  It's not that there wasn't a woman's toilet in the bar, but maybe it was out of order?


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Next Up: Pai


Minibus leaves at noon, 150 baht either to Pai (106 km) or Chiang Mai (260 km). 


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See my Pai picture report.


  • 19

#1071250 Songkran... I had a walk on friday...

Posted by Gabor on 18 April 2014 - 04:45 PM

Looks much slower, than a year ago, but still fun...at least for me...

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  • 19

#1170441 Jomtien to Pattaya by Seaside - Pics

Posted by Idefix on 10 December 2016 - 04:20 AM

Arriving at Jomtien Beach at sunrise by bahtbus

Let's go North

The beach is quiet and nice... South


Pattaya Park

Pattaya Park Tower

Space Shuttle

Quiet & relaxing

End of the "walkable" path

Here was the recently destroyed swimming pool...

Work not finished

Just jump from rock to rock. Easy

Nice place. Beware of green areas

Asia Beach

Oops #1. Fortunately broken shells are a good anti-slip

Drunk builders? ;)

Asia Beach


Cabbages and Condoms restaurant, for a better sea view :)

Net beach...

the Yacht Club



Many speedboats coming from their new park area at Jomtien

Cozy Beach


How many?

Royal Cliff Terrace's lift

Oops #2. I use to work on the beach here... at lower tide.
No problem walking on the wall (as this guy)

Here was a few years ago the most dangerous part...
Now you just make bag-jumps :smile:

Oops... => walk at the top


Oops... => walk on the rocks

Nice hidden place


Thanks for this intermediate small wall :smile:


Bali Hai Sunset restaurant

Lighthouse: End of the seaside walk.

Again: Try to make it at low tide. Far easier :smile:
  • 18

#1148837 Monkeywatch 10th Anniversary Edition - May 2016

Posted by monkeyman on 15 May 2016 - 08:21 AM

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap, and core coon crap for dropping in to celebrate an unbelievable 10 years of this disreputable little diatribe. To mark this auspicious occasion, there’s a new feature (not before time) to remind us of things gone by, but more of that later. On with the news.


Have you heard about the new top-end tourist attraction in Pattaya that took 10 years to build and cost 200 million baht? Well you won’t now, cos it burned to the ground last Friday shortly before it was due to open its doors for the first time. Stop sniggering at the back.


Local police have equipped 50 of their officers with helmet-mounted cameras to “help them better document their work”. The officers said they liked the idea in principle but were finding it difficult to fasten the zips of their trousers.


A man burgling a house on Soi Chaiyapun was so shocked when confronted by the owner of the property who turned out to be a local police officer that he dropped dead on the spot. Absolutely shocking. The police shouldn’t be wasting time arresting criminals when there’s a whole city full of bars to be raided.


An update has been issued about how the Pattaya Beach clean-up measures are going. It said “Badly.”


In an attempt to reduce crime, Pattaya has introduced its own version of on-the-spot fines…




Right, time for the new feature. Every month there’ll be a story from exactly 10 years ago to remind us of how things have (or haven’t) changed. So here we go with a snippet from the very first Monkeywatch in May 2006…


“The latest news from the government is that all infrastructure projects in Thailand have been suspended. Various plans have been put forward as cost-cutting measures, such as the planned new buses being replaced by conga lines. It’s also been suggested that, instead of building new light rail lines to reduce the number of cars in Bangkok, they could achieve the same result by letting Indians drive the taxis for a couple of days.”


The Royal Varuna Yacht Club in Pattaya is to host this year’s Optimist World Championship. The special guest at the event will be the contestant from 2015 who came last but thought he’d done quite well so was declared the winner.


Pattaya is the host for The Air, Sea, Land Games Thailand Open 2016 which begins on May 11. The featured sports include Jet Ski, Boating, Rock Climbing, Football, Diving and Shooting, so we can expect an influx of jet ski scammers… (and rock climbing scammers, diving scammers, boating scammers…) All contestants will be tested for drugs to make sure they haven’t forgotten to take them.


A crackdown has been ordered against illegal signs as they “block the scenery and make the area look ugly”. If that’s true perhaps they should consider a crackdown on Chinese tourists as well.


The annual Pattaya Fishing Contest is temporarily suspended after one of the contestants is suspected of cheating…




Bar news time, and the first news is that Only O on Soi Diamond has closed. Well actually it’s the last news as well as there’s bugger all else to report. Well, except that Shark Club has closed but the word is that Spice Club is now Shark Club in all but name so in fact it’s Spice Club that’s closed, except that it’s still there so it hasn’t. Glad we’ve cleared that up.


Locals have complained to City Hall about all the assorted crap in the water by Bali Hai Pier, saying that the place was starting to look like Pattaya Beach. Officials have agreed that if it looks that bad then urgent action is needed.


The former Secretary to the Minister of Education celebrated his 64th birthday last week at his Pattaya home. Christ, that must have set the local society calendar on fire. No wonder then that the media saw fit to report on this fascinating event. And they call that news? They’ll be reporting on somebody falling into a fish pond next.


It’s been reported that a Thai man fell into a fish pond in South Pattaya last Friday. The incident took place in a temple on Moo 10. A spokesman said “The man is as well as can be expected under the circumstances. He’s dead.” He was apparently discovered by a monk while he was cleaning out the pond. Well, you know how it is. You’re cleaning out a fish pond, your mind on other things. You probably don’t notice the odd corpse floating around for a while.


Beach vendors who complained about the filthy old bags on Beach Road have said they would like to make it clear that they were referring to the sand bags put in place last year to prevent beach erosion…





Residents in Thepprasit have complained to City Hall about large quantities of septic waste being dumped in their vicinity. They were promptly sent on their way after being told that American tour groups had as much right to visit the area as anyone else.


Here’s a bit of a twist. An incident was reported in Naklua a few days ago in which a Thai was given a kicking by seven tourists. Now that’s a real man bites dog story – except it doesn’t have a dog…or a bite.


Police announced last Tuesday that they had arrested three major drug dealers, one of whom had been found to be in possession of four yabba tablets. The phrase ‘must try harder’ springs to mind. Like in the good old days when police found a bloke with a few hundred yabba tablets hidden in his anus – probably the most effective anti-drugs message they’d ever issued.


City Hall has launched a new initiative called ‘Preventative Measure for Life and Belongings of Tourists’ (where do they get all these catchy little names from?) in order to “enforce zero crime against tourists.” They’ve even introduced a mascot called “Mr Care For You” to ensure the campaign’s success. Well that’s it then, job done. We can all put our gold chains back on and stuff our baht into our back pockets in complete safety. Apart from the four people who showed up at the police station less than 48 hours later to report that they’d been robbed by ladyboys.


Finally, a big thanks to all of you who’ve supported this squalid little publication with your patronage and kind comments over the last 10 years. Without your support, we wouldn’t still be here after all this time. So you’ve got a lot to answer for.


be seeing you

monkeyman writing.gif


  • 18

#1055988 Sukhumvit Soi 11, Bangkok

Posted by RhinoTusk on 22 December 2013 - 06:51 AM

Pics from the farang ghetto, the 'Hood.  Ideally situated half way between Nana Plaza and Soi Cowboy, an oasis in lower Sukhumvit.  Upscale restaruants (17% added to your bill is the norm), trendy discos, but you can still find bar girls (Hillary 3 Bar) and Climax Disco in the basement of the Ambassador Hotel is one of the best places in town for freelancers.  For the budget-minded traveler, there's the Soi 11 Guesthouse and Cheap Charlies, a Bangkok institution for 30 years.  Bed supper club has closed and the Federal Hotel will soon be replaced by expensive condos, the neighborhood is changing.  But there's something for everyone on Soi 11, I call it home.


VW minibuses take over the parking lanes and every night is like a block party


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A quiet and tranquil Sunday morning


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What's left of the Bed


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Even the Thai restaurants add 17% surcharges


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But not off the street


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Where you can have your sox mended


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Here's a self-portrait, and there are spas and lots of tug shops


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Climax Disco, in the basement of the Ambassador Hotel, has live bands and 250 baht cover (includes 1 drink), gets started after midnight


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Hillary 3 has bar girls


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Angel City Diner is in the ground floor of The Prime, rent for a one bedroom condo starts at 40,000/month.  The sign says 24 hours, but they close at 4:30 AM.


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The Cheap Charlie cul de sac


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I've never eaten at this Indian restaurant, just assumed they were trying to warn me.


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Chez Pape has among the most reasonable prices in town for french cuisine.  Weekend lunch specials feature 3 courses with a glass of wine for just 650. (that's 550++)


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Farang women can have a difficult time attracting attention in this neck of the woods, but I've been in LOS for a decade and can't recall what it means to be sexually frustrated.


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Q Bar


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Apotheke features live blues bands, starting around 9:30.  No cover, but a Jack & Coke will set you back 250.  The open-air bar with the huge brick wall reminds me a bit of Bourbon Street in N'Orleans.


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Oskar Bistro:  Is it a bar or restaurant?


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Soi 11, it's a nice place to live, sure better than farangland.

  • 17

#1183342 Monkeywatch - May 2017

Posted by monkeyman on 16 May 2017 - 03:05 PM

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for keeping the faith, and welcome to another walk through the world of weird. Walk this way.


Pattaya Police have got themselves a new recruit in the form of a drone that will be used to keep an eye on the goings-on in Walking Street. It’ll be interesting to see how long this latest fad lasts before it hits some power cables or tourists and then gets chucked into the same skip as the broken CCTV system, the electronic tourist information boards that were scrapped without ever being used and every other piece of failed technological junk that’s been deployed over the years to make Pattaya a safer place for Johnny Tourist. Or should that be Mohammed Tourist now?


An allegedly British quality tourist was caught and hogtied by locals after they caught him running half naked across the rooves of their houses and shouting gibberish after a night on the piss in Walking Street. Can’t imagine what made them think he was a Brit. Anyway, the police came up with this marvellous theory that may have got lost trying to find his hotel. Well, you know how it is. You have a few drinks, try to find your way home and end up half naked on the roof of somebody’s house shouting your mouth off. Happens all the time. Somebody actually tried to defend him by pointing out that it wasn’t unusual to see Brits on the street stripped to the waist. The police agreed, but added that they normally do it from the waist up.


A Pattaya fruit vendor turned up at the police station last week to report that she’d been the victim of an internet swindle after receiving a Facebook message from a complete stranger telling her she’d won a million baht. All she had to do was send him 3000 baht and her bank details and the money was hers. She duly sent off the money (as you do) but was disappointed to find that there was a shortfall in the amount she received – a one million baht shortfall to be exact. Reports of her story appear to have made her a lot of new friends on Facebook, though strangely they all seem to come from Nigeria.


There was yet another electric type problem last week after a car demolished two power poles and disrupted electricity supplies, cable TV and phone services. Let’s see ‘em try to blame this one on a fuckin’ squirrel (or maybe the new drone.)


In an attempt to raise the quality of visitors to Pattaya, the local tourist board have started a cull of backpackers…




Onlookers were more than a little surprised when a drunk was washed up on their local beach after falling in the water about a mile away and being carried down the coast by a strong current. He then got up, staggered off to the nearest bar and went back on the piss. Just another day in Fun City.


The army are complaining that they haven’t got enough manpower in Pattaya to enforce the new baht bus routes as most of the drivers are ignoring the new regulations and going wherever the hell they want. They reckon they have two alternatives to solve the problem – shoot the offending drivers, or approach the UN to set up an international military presence with a brief to enforce the rule of law as enshrined in the code of international justice. There is, of course, a third and more practical alternative – give up.


Pattaya’s hotel industry has been criticized by tourism officials for not making enough effort to obtain MICE business. Funny that – most of the hotels we’ve seen in Pattaya have had mice business in just about every bloody room.


Following yet another reduction in the maximum space allowed for deckchair operators, they’re having a bit of difficulty fitting everything in … 




It’s that bar news moment again, but there’s jack shit been going on. Overmind has closed again, but that’s hardly news as it happens about once a week. It’s looking a bit more permanent this time though. Wet Six Club has opened on Soi 6. We heard their very first customer turned up thinking it was called Wet Sex Club. He only stayed for one drink then pissed off because he wasn’t pissed on.


After years of blood, sweat and gridlock, Pattaya’s legendary Central Road tunnel is finally about to open itself to the great unwashed. The local Highways Department admitted that when the tunnel opens the road surface will be incomplete, the signs won’t be in place, the barriers won’t be painted, the landscaping will be unfinished and the lights won’t be fully functional, but dismissed discussion of all this as “splitting hairs.” It may not matter anyway, as the construction company have said that if they don’t get paid soon they’ll come back and take the whole lot away. Meanies.


Another look at the way things used to be with a couple of tales from Monkeywatch back in May 2007…


“On May 1, the annual Crocodile Egg Eating Competition took place at the Pattaya Crocodile Farm, which involves contestants trying to be the fastest to eat 10 eggs. The competition was won by a Thai tourist, who collected a handsome prize of 10,000 baht.  This was shortly followed by an unscheduled tourist eating competition after several crocodiles escaped from their pens and ran amok. The head keeper said that they’d been unable to establish if any of the crazed reptiles had managed to devour 10 tourists, but added that it didn’t really matter, as 10,000 baht was bugger all use to a crocodile anyway.


Pattaya Police have reported that a gang of thieves poisoned a family’s poodle then stole goods worth several hundred thousand baht from their house. The Korean family involved said that it was bad enough losing the property without having their dinner ruined as well.”


Pattaya has announced plans to step up production of methane…




There’s a new push by City officials to get rid of the rats on Beach Road that “damage the image of Pattaya.” So why don’t they just confiscate their jet skis?


Police have increased their anti-sex patrols on Pratamnak Hill after reports that couples have been having it off in the bushes and have been questioning suspects, perhaps along the lines of “What are you doing with girl?” “Nothing, officer.” “Well piss off then and let a man get in.”


Oh, and there was a clean-up of the Pattaya sex industry by the police and the army last Wednesday but nobody seems to have noticed.


be seeing you

monkeyman writing.gif


  • 15

#1086499 A Week in Chiang Mai

Posted by RhinoTusk on 19 September 2014 - 06:21 PM

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"The Rose of the North", the hub of northern Thailand, 5th largest city in the kingdom.  It had been over a decade since I was here, brought a girl from Nana Plaza and we did an elephant camp, river rafting, visited an orchid farm.  I rented a car and we drove up the mountain to Wat Phrathat Doi Suthep, then visited the nearby Bhuping Royal Palace and the ultra-touristy hilltribe village.


I went alone this trip, staying at the Raming Lodge on Loi Kroh, just a block outside the moat in the southeast section of the city.  A deluxe room included airport pick-up and in-room wifi.


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The hotel had a pool that I could lay around in


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The hotel was a 10 minute walk to the night bazaar and I thought it had a nice mongering sound to it.  There were several beer bars along Loi Kroh with friendly ladies.


Halfway to the night bazaar is the Chaing Mai Entertainment Complex (CMEC), a cluster of about 30 bars surrounding a boxing ring.  Not exactly a hotbed for stunners but girls were only asking 1500 LT.


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GO GO Bars


Adjacent the beer bar complex is Star XiX


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You climb the stairs and pay 150 baht for a drink coupon before entering.  They do it this way after losing so many potential customers that entered the bar and left without buying a drink.  Get the picture?


Slightly better is Spotlight, on Kotcasarn, facing the moat.  Three girls on stage wearing bikinis, Chevas Regal 140 baht.


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The best of the lot was Foxy Lady, across the street from the Dusit D2 hotel.  Long Island Iced Tea: 240 baht, more conventional drinks about half.


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North Gate Jazz Co-op


A tiny, hole-in-the-wall bar with (sometimes) great music, but can be hit-and-miss other times.  Jack and Coke, 180 baht.  Highly recommended. Clap.gif


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The Brasserie Rhythm and Blues


The sign out front said live music at 7 PM, but didn't start until 9.


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Boy Blues Bar


Not a gay hangout but a rooftop blues bar in the Kalare Night Bazaar.  Just follow the music when you hear Willie Dixon's Hoochie Choochie Man.  Jack Daniels & Coke 130 baht.  Singha Beer 80 baht.


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Rasta Cafe


The band was partial to Red Hot Chilli Peppers.  I was twice the age of anyone else in the bar but I was having a flashback.  Long Island Iced Tea, 250 baht.


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They no longer feature live music upstairs (maybe during high season), but I enjoyed the ambiance of this place.  Margaritas 75 baht during happy hour.


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There's Bubbles, adjacent the PornPing Tower hotel.  Didn't have the opportunity to check it out


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Backpacker Bars


A set of bars around Zoe in Yellow, near the 3 Kings Monument on Ratwithi.  They were setting up for their 6 year anniversary party.


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Khao Soi


The local dish.  Noodles in yellow curry, topped with crispy noodles, add a chicken leg and you've got a tasty lunch for 40 baht.


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La Terrasse


In an ally off Loi Kroh, just a few blocks from Raming Lodge, this place is fantastic.  I ordered the plate du jour, duck breast with mango in red vinegar sauce flamed in Grand Marnier (420 baht) with a half liter of red (590 baht) and creme brulee for desert (150 baht).  A truly outstanding meal for 1160, considering most of the cost was for the wine, and they presented the check with a fine chocolate truffle, and without government tax or service charge added.


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La Fourchette


Across the street from Wat Chedi Luang, casual setting.  I ordered the plate du jour, duck confit in triple cherry sauce.  The waitress said it takes 8 hours to prepare the sauce, and I can believe it.


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Miguels Cafe


Fresh Mex, chicken burrito for 170 baht.  I like my burritos a bit larger but the price was very reasonable.  Service was also very good, after I finished my strawberry margaritas the waitress asked if I'd like another pitcher.


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El Diablo's Burritos


Burritos were larger than Miguel's, and complimentary chips and salsa, but margaritas were much more expensive, 150 baht vs just 90 baht, although I believe they used better tequila.


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I was surprised to see so many Mexican restaurants.  I'm sure they also had some fine Italian restaurants but I didn't have the opportunity to try any.


Next: Attractions

  • 15

#1121045 Monkeywatch - September 2015

Posted by monkeyman on 28 August 2015 - 05:55 PM

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for stopping by, and welcome to another sideways look at what’s going on, what’s going down, what’s going up and what ain’t going anywhere.


Police were called to North Pattaya the other day after receiving reports of a suspicious man in a thick coat carrying a bag full of unusual items. The man was released after questioning and was last seen heading towards the North Pole in his reindeer driven sleigh.


The decision by Bamboo Bar to increase toilet charges from 3 to 5 baht still seems to be a hot potato. Though it may seem trivial to some, we should be mindful of the fact that the average Bamboo Bar punter has to take a piss every five minutes.


Tourists were alarmed the other Wednesday night when a six foot deep hole suddenly appeared in the Beach Road walkway opposite Soi 9. City officials have agreed that this is a grave situation.


Representatives from Nakhon Pathom visited Pattaya a few weeks ago to check out the CCTV security system installed throughout the city to protect our peace and freedom. They now intend to install a similar system in their own province, but at 10 per cent of the cost of the Pattaya system by not bothering to install the 90 per cent of cameras that don’t work.


The Provincial Electricity Authority visited Pattaya recently to upgrade the city’s power lines. The improvement is clear for all to see…




A Colombian chap was arrested by police after trying to hire a car on Second Road using a fake passport. It was later discovered that the passport was actually genuine and the Colombian was a fake but they deported him anyway.


A Pattaya club patronised by young Thais has been closed down after being raided and found to be full of underage drinkers imbibing illegal alcohol outside of lawful opening hours. Police called for a fleet of baht buses to transport the teenage drinkers to the police station, but while waiting for the vehicles to arrive the sprightly youngsters legged it in all directions and haven’t been seen since. The establishment was given a five year closure order but was reportedly sold to the owner’s brother the next morning and reopened the following evening under a very slightly different name.


Pattaya is one of the cities chosen to ‘rebrand Thai tourism’ by turning it into a world class sports and family tourism centre (stop sniggering at the back). Amongst other things, the Sports Minister proclaimed that “Pattaya stands out as a leader in water sports”. He must have been on about those shows they used to put on at Champagne A Go Go.


In an attempt to detect migrants who try to sneak into Pattaya by boat, officials have installed these stinking pig detectors along Beach Road to alert them to any unwanted arrivals. Trouble is, they’re going off all the bloody time…




Bar news time, though there’s next to bugger all to report. Zero A Go Go opened as expected and seems to be living up to its name by going into an immediate crash dive. It’s been said that the best way to sink an aircraft carrier would be to drop some of their girls on it.


There was a spot of bother in North Pattaya recently when some scaffolding on a partly completed hotel collapsed and caused damage estimated at 100,000 baht. Christ, it must have landed on the Mayor’s Rolex.


Reports of a bomber on a local highway caused a bit of a panic in the area a few weeks ago. However, the bomber in question turned out to be an old A-7E Corsair II that was being moved to the Naval Education Center in Sattahip. These aircraft first saw service during the Vietnam War, a fact which was not lost on a Vietnamese bloke who was dragged away from the scene screaming “Those bastards bombed our noodle shop!”


A party of Indian tourists have complained to local tourism officials that the ‘discrete luxury air conditioned accommodation’ they were promised hasn’t quite lived up to expectations…




A letter has been sent to Pattaya officials threatening that Indian tourists will boycott the city if something isn’t done about the jet ski mafia who seem to have Indians firmly in their sights. Well, that explains why nothing has been done then. It’s a bit like threatening somebody with a lottery jackpot. Actually, this came up last year as well, when the Indian Ambassador to Thailand brought up the same problem and was assured that urgent action would be taken. Or to be more precise, they told him he was a stinking pig and dunked his head in a bucket of elephant urine. Guess it’s business as usual on the beach then.


Security in Pattaya has been tightened since the shenanigans in Bangkok and as early as the next day police were seen checking under cars in Walking Street using mirrors on sticks. These devices have been used in Walking Street before, but mainly during raids on Go Go bars to check if the girls were wearing underwear.


A meeting was held in North Pattaya last week to discuss how to raise the standard of the city’s baht bus drivers. Points raised included rudeness, overcharging passengers and bad parking. The drivers said they did these things already but would endeavour do them even better in future.


Finally, we’d like to thank the Russians for their recent efforts to make Pattaya a nicer, better and safer place to be, and hope they continue the good work by staying away for many more years to come.


be seeing you

monkeyman writing.gif


  • 14

#1105533 Pai

Posted by RhinoTusk on 26 March 2015 - 10:20 AM

Pai (Population about 3,000) is a small town about 80 km north of Chiang Mai, as the crow flies, and about 140 km when you ride the snake, on the road to Mae Hon Son. The journey takes about 3 hours by minibus because of the 762 curves in the road.  Bring your air sickness bag, as the Chinese woman sitting next to me was throwing-up all the way.  We passed a spot where a motorbike rider had just gotten nailed by an SUV, and our driver stopped to lend assistance until the ambulance arrived.  It's not the road to Hana, but still quite scenic.


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There aren't many attractions in Pai, just a few waterfalls and hot springs outside town.  So why go there?  It's all about the vibe:  serene, tranquil, relaxed.


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I rented a bamboo hut along the river for 400 baht.  Temps were hot during the day but dropped to 18 degrees at night.


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The main street in town is Walking Street.  There are no GoGos or freelancers but you may be able to score a teenybopper.


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See my Chiang Mai trip report here:


  • 14

#957493 Hot City Streets

Posted by Billions on 01 May 2012 - 11:56 PM


So,here's my favourite.....the one that for me sums up the essence of Pattaya!

I could write so much about it,but hopefully you can see it too.

Every picture tells a story.

  • 13

#1173298 ShamaLama Ding Dong on Naklua Road

Posted by Evil Penevil on 11 January 2017 - 04:47 PM

With a name like ShamaLama Ding Dong, it's got to be good!
The unusual name goes well with the eclectic but appealing decor of a restaurant on Naklua Road that flies the Portuguese flag and bills itself as "fusion," a trendy word for a combination of different cuisines.
(FaceBook photo)
ShamaLama Ding Dong's menu is  as varied as its decor: Portuguese, Thai, Tex-Mex and a wide selection of burgers and hot dogs.
I've eaten at SLDD twice so far and was happy with the meals I've had. However, its location (between sois 18/1 and 18 on Naklua Road) means a 20 to 25-minute baht-bus ride to get there from where  I live and at least 30 minutes to return home, so I doubt I'll be a frequent customer because of the travel time. The food itself would keep me coming back and if I have reason to be in Naklua, I'll be sure to visit SLDD again. For those of you who use pizza parlors as landmarks, SLDD is across the street from Pizza Big and a few doors south of Domino's.
(lifted from Pattaya Mail; I didn't take a pic of the 88-baht menu.)
In addition to its catchy name, ShamaLama Ding Dong has generated some buzz with its "Buy 2, Get 3" offer. SLDD has a limited number of 88-baht items and diners who buy two of them get a third for free. The first time I ate at SLDD the special offer wasn't available, but it was back on the second time.
I had the following three items: fish 'n chips; a Portuguese pork sandwich called a bifana; and three canape-sized hamburgers. 
and the homemade peach ice tea.
All of the dishes were good but small.  They were tasting or appetizer-sized portions. 
It would depend on which 88-baht items you chose, but three together probably wouldn't be enough food to satisfy the guys with big appetites.  However,  176 baht for three dishes is certainly value for money.  Not everyone who steps into a restaurant is ravenously hungry and the three items could be enough for them.  I know they were for me.  I didn't leave SLDD feeling hungry; I wasn't even tempted to order another dish or dessert.
The mini fish 'n chips were excellent. The fish was tasty and the breading was light but crispy, same-same with the chopstick fries. The canape hamburgers were OK, bite-sized and spicy, but I doubt I'd order them again. There just doesn't seem to be much point with such small burgers, except perhaps as canapes at a party.
For me, the bifana was the meal's highlight. I'd never had a Portuguese pork sandwich before, but I was delighted to make its acquaintance. 
The pork had been marinated and then grilled. The meat was tender and juicy.  The bun had been baked on the premises and was among the better I've had in Pattaya. A delicious sandwich, one which I'll definitely have again.
The second time I went to SLDD, I wanted to try a couple of dishes I spotted on the menu during my initial visit. I had the crispy pork with basil and minced garlic at 250 baht. 
 A touch of citrus (lime?) helped balance the fattiness of the pork belly. It wasn't a large portion, but filling. I'm a big fan of pork belly dishes, assuming they are made of high-quality pork and cooked properly.  SLDD got it right on both counts.
I still had room for dessert.  I had wanted to try the chocolate lava cake at 150 baht, but it wasn't available, so I took the chocolate fudge cake at 125 baht.
It was light with a rich chocolate taste, but not too sweet. The lady who served me said she had baked it herself. post-6485-0-39221600-1484150586.jpg
The menu at SLDD is big, but I'm taking about physical size, not the number of dishes.
The menu card is about two feet by 18 inches, printed and laminated on both sides. The "main page" features a lot of burger
options, ranging in size from the Triple Mess down to the canape burgers. Four kinds of hot dogs are also featured.  On the Tex-Mex side, SLDD offers chili con carne, a burrito and nachos as well burgers and hot dogs with Tex=Mex touches.  The caption for the chili con carne reads, "Mexican chili so authentic Trump would build a wall around it."
Oh, dear, as my Grandma would say.  Despite its Spanish language name, chili con carne is as American as cherry pie.  The hugely popular  dish that has become an international favorite has it roots not in Mexico but as one-pot cooking along the 19th-century cattle and wagon trails of the U.S. There's nothing in authentic Mexican cuisine that resembles chili con carne.
SLDD puts emphasis on coffee and smoothies, but also has a full range of alcoholic beverages, including cocktails and sangria, a citrusy wine punch.
A handful of Portuguese dishes, such as the iconic carne de porco à Alentejana (pork with clams), round out the menu. Prices are reasonable for the high-quality food you receive.
SLDD has a "Man vs Food" challenge regarding one of its hamburgers.  The restaurant's FaceBook page says 25 diners have so far attempted the challenge, but only one has succeeded.
Bottom line:  ShamaLama Ding Dong offers interesting and tasty food in comfortable surroundings, but its out-of-the-way location will tend to limit the number of customers.  Best of luck in the Pattaya restaurant shark pool!  The town needs more places that show some originality while upholding high standards of quality.


  • 13

#1131720 The scene on the street. Hanoi nightlife.

Posted by firth1974 on 27 November 2015 - 10:50 PM

Hanoi street life. 
This is what its all about in the evenings. Sat on the street with a beer and some food, and just watching the world go by. I could happily do this every single night i'm there.
You can get 4 beers for 20,000VND on the street. That is only 60 pence , or for our American brothers, that's only $1 USD, it is that cheap!!


And then the Police turn up, and every thing changes. All the little stools and tables disappear as there are actually on the street. Seems whatever the agreement is, they cant have their stools on the actual street. Then the police turn up, and they will take away any tables and chairs that violate the law/agreement!...........................
And then when the police have gone, the stools come back out onto the street, and are quickly filled with customers.....................................
You cant argue with the offer. Monday is a great day!!....................................
Street food is just as good as the beer on the street. This BBQ set only cost £2.50, and was more than enough for me. The old dear who was running the bar here even cooked most of the food for me.............................................

  • 13

#1073740 A trip to the village - Philippines Style

Posted by Butch on 18 May 2014 - 06:15 PM

Hi Fellas


Apologies if this is in the wrong section, Mods, feel free to move.


I'll start by saying that I've had to keep family members out of the pics for obvious reasons. We recently returned to Mrs Butchs' home village in order to sort out some paperwork and visit some areas where she lived as a kid.


It was fucking emotional for her, not least because Mrs Butch had a tough childhood which involved getting beaten up a lot, starving, having no cash and generally being treated like shit. Kind of like being married but without the paperwork. also her Dad died at a young age leaving her mum to bring up 5 kids alone. Tough call for anyone I imagine, and her Mum is the toughest& kindest person I know.


The village is located in the Albay province of Bicol, near Legazpi. I won't give the name of the place, simply because it doesn't really matter anyway and if you're really that worried, PM me and I'll tell you.


Anyway. good old Philippines Airlines arriving an hour late. Mayon volcano in the background, which is approx 14 km away but still managed to lob 1000lb boulders into the village years ago. As with many domaestic flights, you stand on the tarmac close enough to the plane for some good shots and get your luggage handed to you.


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Mayon in Background

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On the way to the Village, they were digging out the local "overflow" and also this sand is suitable for building, thus at the same time getting sand for bricks and mortar.


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Therefore, building costs here are cheap. Land is approx Peso150 Per SqM, materials 70% cheaper than Manila. Yet, due to unemployment there is little or no money to build large houses, the bigger ones being built by "Balikbayan" cash (overseas workers)


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Upon entering the village it was necessary to turn my watch back 20 years. Deserted streets and a very eerie silence.


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Each corner has a hand pump for water, as there is no mains unless you can afford a deep well for the equivalent.


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Approx 5 pm, rush hour.

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I mentioned to Mrs Butch why everyone was sat around doing nothing. "They have nothing to do" came the reply.


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The village is a fishing village. The views are fantastic, Mrs Butch's (cousin) relatives had the highest house in the village due to owning a successful business in the past (it's compicated, don't ask). Mrs Butch was always "persona non grata" because her mum had no money. Cunts.


views from the rooftop of our " Resort Hotel" .


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We headed down to the bay to watch the fishermen bringing in their catch. Hard working guys, decent, honest men and friendly.


Sadly the Beach is quite badly littered. I mentioned to the Barangay Captain about getting some kind of "beach clean" operation up and running to attract tourism and maybe some investment. He's taking it under consideration.


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Local Pier

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Wake up to this every morning we're there.


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Catch of the day, 45 Peso per KG


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Some more views of the village from the roof of Mrs Butch's cousins house.


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Unfinished addition simply because the money ran out.


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More views

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There is so little traffic, they dry the rice out on the roads in the morning.


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We visited the house where Mrs Butch and her siblings and mum used to live. Not much has changed, the concrete wall was built by her dad before he died, and the family would sleep above the kitchen area between the roof and concrete.

Understandably Mrs Butch cried a lot and got pretty upset, but as I reminded her life these days is much better, and sometimes life teaches us to be humble for good reason.


What really touched me though were the notch marks in the wooden supporting beam (on the rear ) charting Mrs B's growth from years 3 to 8 made by her mum.


I mentioned to the current tenants that I'd really prefer it if they kept the beam in place and untouched.


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Some things have been changed in the dwelling, but it pretty much "as is" when they left it years ago to move to Manila in search of a better life.


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hopefully this gives some insight into how poor people live in the PI.


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Anyhoo, that was the village , warts and all as we say.  The following days were spent Island hopping (report to follow).


I like provincial living, it's cheap, quiet and nice. Waking up to views like this every day can't be all bad,


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Hope you enjoyed. My Bohol / Chocolate hills report part 2 won't be comnig cos my phone took a swim and I lost all the pics.


However, there's a part 2 to this, Island hopping with some fancy pics and another example of how peaceful life can be in the Philippines.




  • 13

#1071865 Low Season? Not at "Art in Paradise"

Posted by Evil Penevil on 26 April 2014 - 06:47 PM

Art in Paradise is a 3D art gallery on Soi 1, about 100 meters in from  2nd Road. It is located on the east stretch of Soi 1 (on your right [edit in] as you ride the baht bus north on 2nd Road), not the section of Soi 1 that runs between Beach Road and 2nd Rd.


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The gallery bills itself as the "world's largest 3D art museum."  I have no idea if that is true, but it is pretty big and has several hundred paintings and other displays on two floors.  The paintings create optical illusions which result in some cool effects and photos.



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The gallery also attracts big crowds, mostly Thais and Koreans (it is owned by a Korean group), but also quite a few Russians.  Admission is 150 baht for Thais and 350 baht for foreigners.


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I went there with two Thai girls and one reacted very strongly to the "double pricing.  She told them that I had lived in Pattaya for 2 1/2 years and should pay the Thai price, even if I didn't have my passport or other document with me.  She got pretty insistent and the ticket seller finally relented.  That probably had more to do with the people backing up behind us than the strength of her arguments,  but in any case, I got in for 150 baht.


My angel:


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What's also interesting is there's a "spa" and massage parlor right across the street from the gallery.


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More pics from inside the gallery.  Thai girls love the place and want their pictures taken in front of just about every painting. It takes 60 to 90 minutes to do the whole gallery, depending on the crowds.  It's open 9.00 a.m. to 9 p.m. daily and is busiest in the afternoon and early evening.

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#1049077 Monkeywatch - November 2013

Posted by monkeyman on 07 November 2013 - 03:56 PM

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for your continued patronage, and welcome to this month’s stories from Soggy City.

Well, the weather in Patts has been absolutely spiffing of late, thanks to a tornado, a cyclone, a tropical storm, a plague of frogs and whatever else. If you want to visit the beach now, it’s somewhere out in the Gulf of Thailand. Always wondered where the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse went for their holidays.  

An Indian tourist turned up at the police station the other day to report an incident at a fast food restaurant a few hours earlier. Apparently, he had complained that his food was cold but the staff weren’t interested. He demanded to speak to the manager, who immediately punched him in the face and tasered his testicles, then dragged him out through the door, threw him onto a pile of rubbish sacks and urinated on him. The police advised the man that it was not their policy to get involved in customer service issues and that he should contact the restaurant’s head office if he felt that the manager hadn’t resolved the original complaint to his complete satisfaction.

Construction noise in Pattaya is going from bad to worse.  Wherever you are, there always seems to be some prat hammering on a steel pipe, giving you an earful of “dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink.” It’s like sitting next to a girl in a go go bar.

Pattaya United Football Club have announced that they are to disband at the end of the season after a controversial penalty decision against them started a riot which went on for two hours. Jeez, talk about sore losers. Good job their player wasn’t sent off in the incident or there’d probably have been a military coup.

Police were forced to apologise for arresting three men for stealing an ATM kiosk after it turned out that the incriminating CCTV footage had been accidentally played backwards and the men were in fact erecting the structure. The mistake came to light when one of the men was clearly seen to be sucking urine from a wall into his penis. Two of the men were released without charge and the third was taken out the back and given a good kicking for pissing up a hotel wall...


Baht buses are becoming a real bloody nightmare these days. One harks back to the halcyon days when all you had to do was stick your hand out and you would be spirited to your destination in the wink of an eye. These days, if you aren’t part of some fuckwit tour group you may as well stick your hand up your arse for all the good it’ll do you. You have to wait until some driver comes along tooting his horn like he’s just had it for his birthday before you’re likely to be going anywhere. And even then, the ordeal continues. A trip down Beach Road the other day took the best part of half an hour. First of all the bus pulls up outside Central Festival, at which point a crowd of Indian imbeciles decide to have a five minute chat with the driver and manage to negotiate a 10 baht fare down to 50 baht. When will these fucktards get it through their thick heads that you don’t have to talk to the driver every time you get on a bloody baht bus? They’re the same in fast food joints. It takes them longer to buy a few burgers than it’d take most people to buy a house. But we digress. Next stop is Mike Shopping Mall where some continental cretin tries to pay his fare with a 1000 baht note. Another five minutes to sort that out. Then came the inevitable traffic jams exacerbated by the Beach Road “improvements”, so the driver then stops to try and pick up a group of people, seemingly oblivious to the fact that they’re the same ones who got off his bus a minute earlier but had overtaken it because they were moving faster than the traffic. Finally got to Walking Street, utterly devoid of the will to live. If you’re in a hurry these days, your best bet is to bloody well walk.

A 16-year-old Thai lad has died after consuming 18 litres of holy water that was supposed to be endowed with magical powers during some kind of ritual. Not surprising really – that much Guinness is enough to kill anybody. The family of the victim, who were also involved in the ritual, are said to be the owners of a rubber farm. Presumably they use it to make their own wallpaper.

The Thai Government are considering levying a 500 baht entry fee on tourists entering the country, allegedly to help pay the costs of scraping them off the streets when they have a little mishap. Well, that should just about wipe out the weekly budget of the average quality tourist.

Officials have decided to separate the more affluent West Pattaya from the seedier East Pattaya with the opening of Checkpoint Cheap Charlie…


Bar news now, and once again there’s not been a lot happening, apart from the widely reported managerial musical chairs. Not much sign yet of Champagne reopening or of Angelwitch 2 opening at all, though there are some signs of construction activity going on. Peppermint has closed for a refurb – surprising really, because the place seemed to be doing pretty well as it was.

There seems to have been an upsurge of interest in bar crawls of late, with several new ones appearing on internet boards. However, they all seem to be aimed at farangs, so Monkeywatch has decided to organise one for the new breed of quality ethnic visitor now gracing Pattaya. The first ever Stinking Pig Bar Crawl will take place next month, starting in Soi LK Metro. First we’ll be visiting all the 7-Elevens in the area, where we’ve negotiated a special two for the price of one deal, so the group will have not one but two bottles of water to share between them. Then it’s off to Beach Road for a tour of the Family Marts and a stop off at a food cart for a kebab. Remember, it’s one bite each then pass it on. As a special treat, we’ve laid on a Coconut Bar girl for everyone in the group. Her name’s Nit and she’ll be joining us about midnight, so don’t forget to put your name in the hat or you won’t get your turn. Next it’s off to Cheap Charlie’s for a massage, where you can leave your clothes on the floor then lie back and relax while a ladyboy hiding under the bed goes through your pockets. Finally, we round off the night with a trip to the police station, where you can report that ladyboys have robbed you of 500,000 baht, a Rolex watch and an iPad. A night not to be missed for sure.

For those of you who don’t know already, there’s a new attraction in Pattaya called Art In Paradise, which describes itself as an interactive art gallery. It basically works like this. You pay your money, take off your shoes and step into the first room, at which point you’re swept off your feet then trampled underfoot by stampeding hordes of Oriental cretins armed with phones, cameras and iPads who are intent on photographing anything that moves and anything that doesn’t. Other than that, it’s quite nice if you like that sort of thing. But then anything’s nice if you like that sort of thing.

Here’s a bit of it…


There are some things in life that you just instinctively know you shouldn’t do. However, the charms of a delectable lady can break the strongest of wills and so it came to pass – the first visit to a Sushi Bar. Hell’s teeth, it was like eating the stuffing from an old sofa marinated in bilge water from the bottom of a tramp steamer. The ice cream is recommended though, and it does help to get the taste of vomit out of your mouth. A return visit is not predicted.

A group of Asian gentlemen were spotted outside a Beach Road restaurant the other afternoon. The studied the menu out front for about five minutes then ventured inside and sat round a table, where they were each presented with a further menu for their perusal. After another ten minutes or so, they called the waiter over and ordered a bottle of water. At this point the manager came over and after a heated exchange, he told them to fuck off or he’d call the police. Another example of what TAT calls quality tourists but the rest of us call stinking potless pigs.

It was a case of “don’t put that in your pipe and smoke it” as the boys in brown went on a Shisha bar raiding spree the other night. However, the whole thing turned out to be a ghastly mistake when the officer in charge admitted that he thought he’d been told to go to Walking Street and round up all the hookahs.

The owners of the Koh Larn Ferry have reacted angrily to suggestions that their new company song should be Otis Redding’s “Sinking On The Rock Of The Bay”.  

Finally, after years of painstaking research, we’ve managed to work out why eating Thai food is so good for weight watchers. Most of it gets stuck between your feckin’ teeth.

be seeing you
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#1015756 Bangkok Auto Show

Posted by RhinoTusk on 28 March 2013 - 06:43 PM

Until April 7th at Impact Arena.  All the major players represented...



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Porsche, I owned a 944 when I first moved to California.  Damn thing broke down all the time and cost a fortune to fix, but was a lot of fun to drive.


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Mini Cooper




and from my hometown, Harley-Davidson


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And then, there's the good stuff...


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#1014759 Reasons to be Cheerful

Posted by atlas2 on 24 March 2013 - 08:23 AM

Important caveats:


1.  I bought my condo and my car at 69 baht to the GBP.


2.  How I spend 'my' time is likely different to how you spend yours. My expenses and yours will differ.





With all the 'Doom and Gloom' on the board lately I'd thought I'd give myself a reality check!   Am I just, 'a cock-eyed optimist'  or 'Pollyanna as Tomcat says? Or did I get it mostly right when made the leap and retired out here in 2007?


What follows is a comparison between Pattaya and England. I can't argue with those who say the Philippines, Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam and such-like are head and shoulders above Pattaya...... If that's your view, you can 'ave your two penneth after.


Though this is obvious, it needs saying first..........


The PFP experience here beats, in terms of cost, quality, opportunity and selection the stale piss-flaps on offer from London's very own clock-watching Picadilly Commandos.


That being said........:


Also I pay no tax here other than VAT.




Cheaper fuel

Cheaper service and repair costs

Cheaper insurance

Cheaper Road-Tax

Cheaper + better car-wash.

Cheaper fines for minor motoring discretions.

Cars hold their value longer.


Set against this:

V. expensive import car prices.




Entertainment:  ..........'Generally'


Beer cheaper.

Restaurants much cheaper.

Street eating unbelievably good quality and cheap.

Thai food and Seafood excellent quality, and extremely good value.

Year round there's a multitude of outdoor eating opportunities + Stunning vistas.

Cinemas cheaper.


However, wine comparable in price with UK restaurant prices and supermarket costs here higher.






Green fees cheaper

Caddies cheaper

Buggies cheaper 

Bucket of balls in a driving range cheaper.

Lessons cheaper.

95% of the year courses available for play.



Golf equipment slightly more expensive.


Tennis........can play all year. Club membership cheaper.


Sports opportunities and cheaper costs here:




Thai Boxing




Go-Karts.......... etc.


+Gym membership at Royal Cliff and Fairtex half what I was paying in UK.


Against this: No ski-slopes.



Personal Grooming:


Hair-cuts, cheaper+better

Massage, cheaper+ better+available 24 hrs..........A phone-call can bring a sexy girl in 10 mins to my condo to massage my feet while I watch Wimbledon and sip Singha beer.


Manicures....Body scrubs etc Never 'ad either one in England, which says it all.

Minor Sports injuries, or just aches and pains dealt with quickly here without need for a 3 week wait for an appointment.




Good hospitals


My yearly M.O.T (checkup)......'Essentials' + PSA'  at Bangkok Pattaya, bought in December was 3500 baht. It would be twice that in UK.

Expat emergency insurance relatively cheap.


Against this though, The National Health service, in a crisis, trumps the lot.




Relatively Cheap purchase price for its situation and amenities.

Electricity cheaper

Water cheaper

Ground rent/facilities charge, cheap.

Maid room cleaning cheap.

Minor repairs, no charge just a tip

Laundry cheap



Baht buses cheap

Taxis still very cheap........ Swampy to Jomtien <1500 baht.



Very good personal Service here at Banks, Hospitals, Supermarkets, filling-stations etc is non-existent in the UK.


For instance I was asked at 3 in the afternoon in Tescos South Pattaya,


"when would you like your refrigerator delivered?" 

"As soon as you can!"

"Would 4 O'clock be alright K. Atlas?"


Food Markets:


Mind boggling array of good quality and cheap vegetables and Fruit. 


Hotel/ Accommodation:


For what I'm paying for 2 nights in June at a Holliday Inn an hour outside London, I could spend a week in almost any Hotel in Pattaya.


Satellite TV....Cheaper


Clothes.....DVDs .........CDs.......cheaper.



That's enough for the the contrarians to argue over......For now anyway I'll add to this later.


But let me just give a quick example of the start to my day here. I'm desperate to keep some fitness so.....


I wake-up between 6 and 7 am.......Have a piss....Budgie-smugglers on and down to the pool. 40 lengths or 66 widths. Back up cup-of tea on my balcony and watch the news. Zero hassle. 


In the UK I would have to drive 20 or more mins through traffic to Amersham.....find a parking space put 2 pounds in the machine, back to the car, with the rain no doubt pissing down to display the parking ticket. Pay 5 pounds or so entry. Stick a pound in a locker. Swim (in lane). Change in a freezing cold changing room drive back through the school-run traffic......... I'm a lazy phucker and I know I simply wouldn't keep it up.


My point is, I've asked myself the question... Are you worse or better off here atlas?


Bloody stupid question's my answer.  

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#1188400 Monkeywatch - July 2017

Posted by monkeyman on 16 July 2017 - 07:08 PM

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for looking in, and welcome to more unlikely tales from the city of MICE, rice and vice (but not necessarily in that order.)


Well, the devastating news this month is that there aren’t going to be any more Go Go Bars in Pattaya. Fortunately, there probably aren’t going to be any less either as the announcement was made that there weren’t going to be any new Go Go licences granted in the foreseeable future. Now, given that in Pattaya ‘the foreseeable future’ is usually less than a week, the impact of this should be fairly minimal. However, if it goes on for any length of time, that’s Midnight Pattaya well and truly fucked (though there’s a whisper going round that it already is.)


A quality tourist from Iran, 35 year old Muzrat Ali, got a bit more than he bargained for a couple of weeks ago when he groped the lady he’d just picked up for 1000 baht. It seems that the ‘lady’ was a little over-equipped in the nether regions and responded to his anger by threatening him with a beer bottle then nicking 5000 baht and ripping his shirt off before speeding off on her motorbike. A real lady who witnessed the event took pity on him and guided him to the police who told him he was a stinking pig and that he had more chance of knitting fog than getting his money back. When in Pattaya, sometimes getting more than you paid for isn’t such a good deal after all.


Police were called a couple of weeks back after a South Korean bloke was found dead in North Pattaya after a 37 floor plunge from the from the condo block where he was living. Suicide was reckoned to be unlikely as the chappie was said to be a successful businessman and something of a high flyer, though the manner of his demise would suggest that the latter description of him was somewhat less than accurate.


Is this one of those Pattaya gold diggers we’re always hearing about?..




Tour buses that used to pick up and drop off small yellow people at Bali Hai Pier have now been told to do it on Beach Road, presumably because of the lack of traffic congestion there. Officials from City Hall, the police and the military said it all seems to be going well, though it was notable that they were all reading their bank statements at the time.


City Hall has approved an allocation of 1.4 million baht for the building of 30 new baht bus stop shelters in an effort to improve the tourist transportation experience. So in future, instead of standing out in the pissing rain being ignored by baht buses, you’ll be able to stand in a nice dry shelter and be ignored by baht buses. Don’t think we can cope with all this progress.


And if that wasn’t enough, the latest idea from City Hall to solve the local transportation problem is – wait for it – a Pattaya tram system. Wonder if they’ve considered the possible consequences of running vehicles during the rainy season that rely purely on external electrical power? Well obviously they must have done or the idea would be just plain silly, wouldn’t it? 


Funny, could’ve sworn this was Pattaya…




Bar news is with us now, and the Gold A Go Go open/closed saga is finally at an end – it’s closed. However, there are several new Go Go’s mooted to be in the offing, including three in Soi Diamond and one on Walking Street. Bypass A Go Go has reopened and G-Spot is now Annabelle’s. One assumes from all this that the “no new licences” malarkey doesn’t apply to existing Go Go’s that have closed and reopened under new management.


It’s been reported that illegal wood traders are being hunted by local police for, well, illegal wood trading. So if you didn’t know that wood is illegal in Pattaya, you do now. Let that be a warning unto ye.


Time to tell it like it was, with a look back at a couple of items from Monkeywatch in July 2007…


“The big drama of the last few weeks took place in the Boyztown area when one of the more prominent gay bars caught fire, attracting rubbernecking sightseers in the sort of numbers usually only seen outside Galaxy Cabaret.  There were no serious casualties, though their chef complained that the fire had burned him on the arse and ruined his mince.


In a bid to help us all sleep soundly in our beds, the Thai government has announced that liquids over 100ml will no longer be allowed onto departing aircraft, so it sounds like the passengers will have to start drinking their own piss on the flights home. Well, at least it’ll get the taste of the Chang out of their mouths.”


Suddenly everyone wants to be a comedian…




The new Chonburi immigration boss, who caused some consternation after he put out a statement saying he would be conducting a “deep investigation” of expats, has issued a further missive assuring them that this will not involve either bending over or torches.


Pattaya villagers have been complaining to City Hall that they don’t have any water. Perhaps someone should tell them to take a trip to Central Pattaya Tunnel – they’ve got shitloads of it in there.


Finally, a bit of good news for the hotel owners who were worried about the preponderance of stinking pigs in Pattaya – word is they’ve all started fucking off to Cambodia. Don’t slam the door on the way out, chaps.


be seeing you

monkeyman writing.gif


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#1172816 Dinner, Breakfast Buffets at Centara Azure on Soi 15

Posted by Evil Penevil on 05 January 2017 - 01:39 AM

In a word, it was disappointing, even at 299 baht.  There  was nothing wrong with the food except the lack of variety.  Only three "main courses" were offered: roast pork; roast chicken; and chicken with cashew nuts. The other four warm dishes in the chafing platters were all sides:  fried rice; steamed rice; sauteed potatoes; and mixed vegetables.






The salad table was measly ...




and the small dishes and starters were almost non-existence: mini spring rolls, deep fried fish and a couple of other bits and bobs.  




There was one type of soup (minced pork with tofu) and dessert was sliced watermelon and papaya.




That's it.  No cheese, bread or cold cuts.  It's not the type of buffet you usually see in the restaurants of big hotels, but then again, they cost more than 299 baht.  My SML was 120 baht. No doubt you can eat yourself full, but one of the pleasures of a buffet is having a lot of choice, particularly when it comes to the starters. The dinner buffet at the Atlantis Restaurant in the Centara Azure fell well short in that respect.


Here's what I had:





The roast pork and chicken were both good, tender and juicy.  The pork was especially flavorful through the addition of a green peppercorn sauce, but it's not a meal I'd go out of my way to have again.  I got there at 7.15 p.m. and the dishes of pork and chicken were already pretty empty, but the staff seemed to partially re-fill them after diners helped themselves. It may have to do with keeping the food fresh, but perhaps also a psychological ploy to prevent diners from taking too much.


The ad for the buffet was hype, albeit a mild form.  The pictures in no way correspond to the food that is actually offered on the buffet tables.




However, the Atlantis is a visually impressive restaurant, inside and out.








The  eye-catching floor-to-ceiling aquarium is the main feature.






 The chairs are very comfortable, which would make it easy to sit for hours in the Atlantis. The restaurant has a capacity of about 100 diners, but I didn't see more than 10.








Even the ceiling is quite striking.





It's a sad comment, though, when watching fish, rather than eating them, is the high point of the meal.






I watched the stingray swim round and round in an endless circle.  




It reminded me of some posters on the punter boards, although the stingray did change course occasionally.  




And just like a few of the most combative posters, it was a true bottom feeder.




I'll go back to the Atlantis to try the a la carte menu.  It's a very attractive place in which to have  meal, just not the buffet.


The Centara Azure has only been open a couple of weeks.  It is located about halfway down the stretch of Soi 15 that runs between Soi Bukhao and The Avenue.  While the hotel really stands outs, its surroundings are bleak: construction on one side and an empty lot directly across.






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