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Old one but good one........


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#1 Gary

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Posted 30 December 2016 - 01:36 AM

Beer and the Wheel

                     The two most important events in all of history
were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel.   Beer
required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture.

                     Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were
invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for
them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how
villages were formed.

                     The wheel was invented to get man to the beer and
vice versa. These two were the foundation of modern civilization and
together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two
distinct subgroups:

                     1.   Liberals.
                     2.    Conservatives.

                     Some men spent their days tracking and killing
animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the
beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.  Other men who
were less skilled at hunting (called 'vegetarians' which was an early
human word meaning 'bad hunter') learned to live off the Conservatives
by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and
hairdressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement.

                     Some of these liberal men evolved into women.
Others became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements
include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group
hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the
meat and beer that Conservatives provided.

                     Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized
by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.
Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.

                     Modern Liberals like lite beer (with lime added),
but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish
but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard
liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: many liberal
women have higher testosterone levels than their men.

                     Most college professors, social workers, personal
injury attorneys, journalists, film makers in Hollywood, group
therapists and community organizers are liberals. Liberals meddled in
our national pastime and invented the designated hitter rule because it
wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

                      Conservatives drink real beer. They eat red meat
and still provide for their women. Conservatives are members of the
military, big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction
workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate
executives, athletes, airline pilots, and generally anyone who works
productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives
who want to work for a living.

                     Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to
govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals
believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most
of the liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to
America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a
business of trying to get more for nothing.

                     Here ends today's lesson in world history. It
should be noted that a liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily
respond to this post.  A Conservative will simply laugh and be so
convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be shared
immediately to other true believers and to just piss-off more liberals.

                     And there you have it. Let your next action reveal
your true self, I'm going to grab a few beers and grill some ribs!


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#2 atlas2

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Posted 30 December 2016 - 02:06 AM

New to me.


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#3 Chang_paarp

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Posted 30 December 2016 - 12:33 PM

Why is it in the funny section?


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#4 atlas2

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Posted 30 December 2016 - 12:52 PM

Because it's funny.


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#5 LasRobos

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Posted 30 December 2016 - 01:24 PM

Because it's funny.

However, remember, it is not funny to a liberal!
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#6 mrlasvegas

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Posted 05 January 2017 - 10:06 AM

Pretty inaccurate as well. The most prominent conservatives come from families such as the Kochs and Walton's. They have done little to nothing in terms of actually contributing. They simply inherited their wealth and blame everyone else for their problems. Prominent liberals include Jeff Bezos, Howard Schultz and Warren Buffet, who had to start out and actually earn a dollar, then successfully multiplied it into millions and billions of dollars. All the while contributing to the community around them.As someone who owns a few small businesses myself, I don't know many business owners who are traditional conservative types. Even the religious conservative business types are well aware that it doesn't pay to kick your customers in the head each day and then expect their business.
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#7 Gary

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Posted 05 January 2017 - 02:33 PM

Pretty inaccurate as well. The most prominent conservatives come from families such as the Kochs and Walton's. They have done little to nothing in terms of actually contributing. They simply inherited their wealth and blame everyone else for their problems. Prominent liberals include Jeff Bezos, Howard Schultz and Warren Buffet, who had to start out and actually earn a dollar, then successfully multiplied it into millions and billions of dollars. All the while contributing to the community around them.As someone who owns a few small businesses myself, I don't know many business owners who are traditional conservative types. Even the religious conservative business types are well aware that it doesn't pay to kick your customers in the head each day and then expect their business.

 

I doubt that liberals would appreciate it but it is, after all, just a joke.


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