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Monkeywatch - August 2017

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#1 monkeyman


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Posted 08 August 2017 - 07:23 PM


Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to the summer hols, and welcome to more envelope-pushing lunacy from the city that never sleeps – it just gets pissed and passes out.


A website survey has voted Thailand as the most Chinese tourist friendly country in the world. The website stressed the importance of the Chinese to the Thai tourist industry and how important it was to take good care of them.


Two Thai tour guides have been arrested in Pattaya for threatening and beating a group of budget Chinese tourists who refused to pay for expensive add-ons to their Cheap Charlie package holidays. The tour guides, who referred to the hapless tourists as “cheapskate yellow donkey droppings”, were charged with assault and working illegally.


A Chinese tourist was robbed of a 150,000 baht platinum necklace by ladyboys on Soi 2 the other Wednesday, just days after another Chinese tourist was knocked to the ground and robbed of 30,000 baht and an iPhone as she walked along Pattaya North Road. The hat trick was completed the following day when a Chinese tourist was knocked unconscious and robbed of 18,000 baht and a smartphone in South Pattaya. Police warned Chinese tourists that they should avoid going out in public in groups of less than 20 if they don’t want to get robbed and have their heads kicked in by local muggers. Guess ‘tourist friendly’ must mean something different in Chinese.


Walking Street may soon be known as The Darkside 2 with the authorities telling business owners to remove neon signs by the end of the month as they’re supposedly bad for the city’s image. Perhaps the authorities should set an example by demolishing that ghastly monstrosity they erected at the entrance.


So this is good for the city’s image?.. 




Police were called to North Pattaya the other night after a Korean chap was given a good kicking in the Big C area (bet that hurt) by a gang of Thais. The motive for the assault is unclear, though it’s been suggested that it may have something to do with the Thais’ dislike of Koreans with stupid haircuts.


Four Thais who were previously members of the Pattaya Police Volunteers have been jailed after being found guilty of killing a former colleague by chopping his head off with a spade. Police later released an African tourist they’d arrested as an accomplice following a misunderstanding relating to the murder weapon.


A man was electrocuted the other night by a dangling electric cable while he was walking past the house of the district chief. The man was burned to a crisp and all the lights in the area were fused. The chief, who emerged from his house to see why his George Foreman electric pig roast had stopped working, said he took a dim view of the whole debacle (presumably because of the fused lights) and ordered the man’s remains to be scraped off the sidewalk and disposed of in “an appropriate manner”.


What, never?..




Bar news now, and there’s a new Go Go opened in Soi Stinkingpigland 2 that goes by the name of WakaWaka, though some have suggested a more appropriate name might be WogaWoga (isn’t that somewhere in Australia?) Tantra A Go Go has now opened on Walking Street and Soi Diamond has been busy with the opening of Addiction Club, to be followed by Yes A Go Go in place of the old Superbaby.  We also have re-openings for Ginza, Mandarin and Air Port. Ain’t life grand?


Pattaya traffic police have announced that for a 60 day period, minor traffic offences will not be met with a fine but with a mandatory education course to make drivers more aware of traffic laws. So instead of a 400 baht fine you’ll get a training course – enrolment fee 1000 baht. Isn’t education wonderful?


A dead Malaysian tourist was found on the beach in Central Pattaya last week. He is thought to have drowned after entering the water, though suicide has been ruled out as it would’ve been quicker to drink it.


More blasts from the past now with a trio of short snippets from Monkeywatch of August 2007…


“We begin with the unusual story of the Welshman who died at Llandough Hospital in Wales just weeks after being stung by a scorpion in a Thai jungle.  The moral of this story is that you’re safer in a Thai jungle than a British hospital. And none of the newspapers reported the scorpion’s side of the story either. Typical media bias.


A chef was arrested at Bali Hai Port the other week for allegedly taking photographs up the skirts of female passers-by. The arresting officer was apparently unimpressed with his excuse that he was just looking up some old acquaintances.


Yet more rampant criminality was evident on Walking Street a few days ago when the Prince Tailor Shop was broken into and goods reckoned to be worth 100,000 baht were stolen. Makes you wonder what the thieves are going to do with 10,000 suits.”


Looks like they’re not expecting much of an audience…




Hilton Pattaya is reported to have spontaneously donated 30 fire extinguishers to Pattaya Police Station for some reason. Interestingly, the same hotel was awarded the title of “Thailand’s Leading Lifestyle Hotel 2017” just a few days earlier, but the two events are surely unrelated - aren’t they?


There’s a rumour going round that a shitload of guest houses will be opening on Soi 6 in the not too distant future. Could this be a sign that Pattaya is getting more family friendly? Nope, it’s a sign that Soi 6 bar owners have been told they must register as guest houses if they want to let punters use their upstairs rooms. So there you go - same shit, new name.


The Thai media has started a campaign to clean up Pattaya, referring to the place’s shame and filth. This time, however, they’re just talking about the state of the beach, variously comparing it to a building site, a rubbish dump and a cess pool. So there you go – same shit, same name.


Finally, beach vendors have complained to City Hall that beggars are harassing tourists and generally making a nuisance of themselves. Pots and kettles?


be seeing you

monkeyman writing.gif


Edited by monkeyman, 08 August 2017 - 07:32 PM.

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#2 teelack


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Posted 09 August 2017 - 08:36 AM

Always a good read. Thanks for taking the time. 

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#3 MM


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Posted 09 August 2017 - 09:51 AM

Outstanding issue this month!

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#4 sick buffalo

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Posted 09 August 2017 - 11:31 AM


Edited by sick buffalo, 09 August 2017 - 11:31 AM.

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#5 Bob Belzy

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Posted 10 August 2017 - 01:43 AM

"Finally, beach vendors have complained to City Hall that beggars are harassing tourists and generally making a nuisance of themselves. Pots and kettles?"


Presumably, the beggars were wearing brown uniforms?

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#6 michaelday


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Posted 16 August 2017 - 12:34 PM

Thanks Monkeyman, the spade joke got me laughing!

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#7 Nightrider


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Posted 17 August 2017 - 04:47 PM

Great read as always monkey........... :thumbup

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