By Julie Vick
Interrupting bird wh–
Tweet. You really must read this Tweet.
What do you get when you cross a writer with a deadline?
A really clean house.
What did the writer who was told they have no platform do?
Buy much, much higher shoes.
Writers go who?
No, writers go, “Why did this seem like such a brilliant idea last night?”
Where would a writer never want to live?
A writer’s block.
A writer walks into a bar. The bartenders says, “Have you written 1000 words today? You told me to not sell you a drink until you hit your word count goal for the day.”
A writer walks out of a bar.
What is black and white and red all over?
A writer’s latest draft that ended up in the trash with some V8 juice.
Why did the writer cross the road?
She was supposed to be revising an essay, so she crossed the road to run some errands, and go for a quick walk, and maybe buy a new toaster.
Orange you supposed to be finishing your current draft instead of reading jokes for writers?
Julie Vick’s writing has appeared in New Yorker’s Daily Shouts, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, and The Rumpus. She teaches writing at the University of Colorado Denver.