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Monkeywatch - September 2018

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#1 monkeyman


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Posted 17 September 2018 - 09:17 AM


Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to more tales of derring-do (and derring-don’t) from you know where.


City Hall has decreed that 16 houses in Naklua must be demolished as they were built on public land. It was then pointed out that City Hall itself is built on public land and demolition work on the building is expected to begin shortly.


Let’s hope they do a better job than in South Pattaya where similar enforced demolition work carried out by residents on their own homes resulted in rubble blocking the Bali Hai Interchange and causing traffic chaos. Accidentally, of course.


Sanitation workers have given Jomtien Beach Road a good spraying after complaints that it stunk like sewage and garbage mixed together following recent storms. However, reports that they are planning to dish out the same treatment to tourists from certain ethnic groups have been hotly denied by sanitation officials.


Beware, the Pattaya traffic wardens are on the prowl…




Pattaya recently had the distinction of being the first city in Asia to host the final round of the Miss Lebanon Emigrant competition, a beauty contest for Lebanese women who have gone to live in countries such as Australia, the US and Canada. It’s rumoured that ladies such as these choose to emigrate from Lebanon because there are too many stinking pigs there, so they probably weren’t exactly over the moon when they found out the final was to be held in Pattaya.


There’s been a spot of rain in Pattaya of late, though nothing to worry about as the flood waters have now all flowed into the sea. Unfortunately, they took a few hundred million baht’s worth of Pattaya’s new beach with them. A plan to send a team of navy divers to try to retrieve it has now been shelved as it was deemed to have about as much chance of success as the Beach Road CCTV and Wi Fi systems.


As part of the beach smoking ban, Dongtan Beach has been equipped with a load of new no smoking signs and a load of ashtrays. Pretty much like most of the bars then.


All these Indian tour buses parking on Beach Road are becoming a bloody nuisance…





Bar news now, and Mandarin A Go Go has reopened after a change of management. Bypass A Go Go closed then reopened and Gold Club has reopened as Kink A Go Go, which is rumoured to be planning opening hours similar to Insomnia. Wonder how they plan to get away with that? Miami, on the other hand, has closed and this one looks to be more permanent.


A sign erected to steer drivers away from a traffic congested road has ended up causing an even greater traffic congestion problem on the alternative route it recommends, as well as blocking the view of drivers wishing to use the intersection. When it comes to unintended consequences, they just keep raising the bar.


Retro time now, with a pair of pieces from Monkeywatch in September 2008…


“Thailand’s first observation satellite, THEOS, had its launch scrubbed for the third time on August 6. Apparently, they’re having difficulty finding a big enough milk bottle to launch it from.


Police arrested a Thai chap on Third Road last week after he smashed up a phone booth. When questioned, he told the attending officers that the signal from the phone was disrupting his brain cells. His story was confirmed when further enquiries revealed that he was planning to get rich by opening a Go Go Bar.”


Pattaya has unveiled its latest idea for attracting Chinese tourists…




Street vendors are being told to stop using foam food containers in favour of something biodegradable, though it’s strongly suspected that some of the food they sell is less biodegradable than the boxes they put it in.


Authorities have ordered a crackdown on a seafood restaurant following an online video showing Go-Go type dancers performing on a table at the establishment, saying tourists find such behaviour disgusting and offensive. Have to agree with the tourists on that one. Crackdowns have always been disgusting and offensive.


Following a tip off, police raided Soi 8 the other night and arrested nine Thais for public gambling. Officers also seized dice, cards and a grand total of 140 baht. The organisers will apparently be facing a charge of running an unlicensed casino. Wonder if the phrase “sense of proportion” exists in the Thai language?


be seeing you



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#2 teelack


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Posted 18 September 2018 - 10:17 PM

Great start to my day one again. Thanks for taking the time. 

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