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Monkeywatch - October 2018

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#1 monkeyman


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Posted 16 October 2018 - 08:28 PM


Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for coming back for more, and welcome to this month’s crop of crap.


Well, the big news this month is that Pattaya has a new mayor who goes by the name of Sontaya Kunplome. Does that surname sound familiar? It should, as he’s none other than the big brother of Itthiphol Kunplome, the former mayor who was chucked out by the Junta when they came to power. And his first action as mayor was to appoint his brother’s Deputy Mayor back into his old job. The more things change, the more they stay the same.


City Hall has come up with an inspired new solution to the problem of flooding on Beach Road, namely cutting holes in the promenade to allow the flood waters to drain away into the sea. This has now been done and after the first rainfall the flood waters did indeed drain away. Unfortunately, they took most of the new beach with them. Pattaya – the home of unintended consequences.


Here’s an interesting fact. Thailand’s beaches have apparently all dropped out of Trip Advisor’s top 25 beaches in the world. A more interesting fact would be how the bloody hell they dropped in to start with.


Laundry or lavatory?...




Some new bus stops are being introduced in Pattaya to supplement the current ones that are being totally ignored by both drivers and public. What was that definition of insanity? Ah yes, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.


If you’ve already given up vaping, smoking and drinking alcohol on Pattaya Beach and think you’re safe from prison, think again. Dare to feed the pigeons from now on and the boys in brown will have you banged up in the slammer before your feet touch the ground. The war on serious crime marches on.


The annual Pattaya Vegetarian Festival is being held this month and promises to return to its lively self, following last year’s quieter affair due to the royal mourning period. Get there early or you’ll miss the pig roast.


This year’s annual Pattaya Wind Breaking Competition was won by this chap, Fart Simpson, who narrowly defeated his arch-rival Gaseous Clay…




Not much in the way of bar news this month. Pheromone has closed down, and so has Eden Club (or has it reopened – it’s difficult to keep up.) Oasis A Go Go is also currently closed though one would expect it to reopen as it’s been around longer than the Acropolis.


Pattaya police have arrested nine people who they described as hardened gamblers after raiding a dice game in South Pattaya. Their description of the gamblers as hardened presumably relates to the 317 boxes of pills for treating erectile dysfunction that were found at the scene.


Time travel time now, with a look back at a duo of tales from Monkeywatch in October 2008…


“Pattaya’s latest eco project is the building of a “crab condominium” to encourage breeding amongst the crab population which has been steadily diminishing of late. Local seafood businesses have welcomed the initiative, which is being promoted with the catchy slogan “If you want crabs, come to Pattaya”.


A Thai couple in Pattaya recently came up with a novel way of stopping their house being burgled. They surrounded it with small statues of deities, since which time their house has never been broken into, despite several neighbours being the victims of burglaries. The house owner said that the thieves would not proceed beyond his fence because they were frightened by the statues’ mystical powers. He later called the police to report that his fence had been stolen.”


The luggage arrived okay but the passengers were lost in transit…




Some South Pattaya residents have been told by the Provincial Waterworks Authority that they’ll have to pay 350,000 baht if they want water in their homes. Someone should tell them to shop around – it’s much cheaper at the 7-Eleven.


A Thai man was found dead by railway tracks last week after being hit by a train. The circumstances of his death remain unclear, though it’s been speculated that he was crossing the line and was taken by surprise by a train that was running on time.


A tourist from Hong Kong has made a complaint about the way he was treated by Pattaya police after he got into in a punch up with a group of ladyboys who allegedly mugged him. All parties involved were arrested and fined, but the hapless tourist claimed that the ladyboys were allowed to keep his bag containing cash and possessions that he alleged were worth more than one million baht. He added that he’s an actor well known in Hong Kong and China. Yes, he probably is.


be seeing you



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#2 teelack


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Posted 16 October 2018 - 09:00 PM

Great start to my day once again. Sad about the Pheromone. Just discovered it a few weeks ago and enjoyed it but this is Pattaya. Perhaps it will reopen as the Stinking Pig or whatever.

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#3 midlifecrisis


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Posted 16 October 2018 - 09:30 PM

I never miss an episode!

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#4 jacko


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Posted 16 October 2018 - 10:38 PM

Oasis has a scribbled sign, if I recall correctly it said 'Make New Open Soon' 

If you want short changing meanwhile you can buy beer from the nearby 7-11.


Pheromones was still chained up last Wednesday, but a sole farang was rattling the door as I passed and a Thai lady sitting in-front said to him, 'Closed, will open soon'. Perhaps she knows more than most, I never heard why it had been closed in the first place.  


Thanks for entertaining me another morning Monkeyman.

Edited by jacko, 16 October 2018 - 10:39 PM.

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#5 short


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Posted 16 October 2018 - 11:44 PM

Isn't it about time for the "show of force" prior to the start of busy season?

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#6 Bushcraft


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Posted 17 October 2018 - 08:20 AM

Thanks for this latest instalment Monkeyman, always enjoy your take on things. We are indeed bemused onlookers, never really participants in this benighted country.

Edited by Bushcraft, 17 October 2018 - 08:21 AM.

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#7 capdagde


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Posted 17 October 2018 - 09:30 AM

Thanks Monkeyman.  Always good for a chortle.


"hardened gamblers" etc. heuheu.... had to be done!


Bushcraft gave me a new adjective - benighted country, (looked it up) means BLIND, SIGHTLESS, SURPRISED BY THE NIGHT, PLUNGED INTO IGNORANCE - that's a hell of a lot for one word.


Andy Cap

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#8 michaelday


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Posted 18 October 2018 - 10:00 PM

Thanks Monkeyman, you brought a smile to my face ^_^

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