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Where's my omelette?


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#1 capdagde

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Posted 21 October 2018 - 07:14 AM

LEAVER: I want an omelette.

 

REMAINER: Right. It’s just we haven’t got any eggs.

 

LEAVER: Yes, we have. There they are. [HE POINTS AT A CAKE]

 

REMAINER: They’re in the cake.

 

LEAVER: Yes, get them out of the cake, please.

 

REMAINER: But we voted in 1974 to put them into a cake.

 

LEAVER: Yes, but that cake has got icing on it. Nobody said there was going to be icing on it.

 

REMAINER: Icing is good.

 

LEAVER: And there are raisins in it. I don’t like raisins. Nobody mentioned raisins. I demand another vote.

 

DAVID CAMERON ENTERS.

 

DAVID CAMERON: OK.

 

DAVID CAMERON SCARPERS.

 

LEAVER: Right, where’s my omelette?

 

REMAINER: I told you, the eggs are in the cake.

 

LEAVER: Well, get them out.

 

EU: It’s our cake.

 

JEREMY CORBYN: Yes, get them out now.

 

REMAINER: I have absolutely no idea how to get them out. Don’t you know how to get them out?

 

LEAVER: Yes! You just get them out and then you make an omelette.

 

REMAINER: But how?! Didn’t you give this any thought?

 

LEAVER: Saboteur! You’re talking eggs down. We could make omelettes before the eggs went into the cake, so there’s no reason why we can’t make them now.

 

THERESA MAY: It’s OK, I can do it.

 

REMAINER: How?

 

THERESA MAY: There was a vote to remove the eggs from the cake, and so the eggs will be removed from the cake.

 

REMAINER: Yeah, but…

 

LEAVER: Hang on, if we take the eggs out of the cake, does that mean we don’t have any cake? I didn’t say I didn’t want the cake, just the bits I don’t like.

 

EU: It’s our cake.

 

REMAINER: But you can’t take the eggs out of the cake and then still have a cake.

 

LEAVER: You can. I saw the latest Bake Off and you can definitely make cakes without eggs in them. It’s just that they’re horrible.

 

REMAINER: Fine. Take the eggs out. See what happens.

 

LEAVER: It’s not my responsibility to take the eggs out. Get on with it.

 

REMAINER: Why should I have to come up with some long-winded incredibly difficult chemical process to extract eggs that have bonded at the molecular level to the cake, while somehow still having the cake?

 

LEAVER: You lost, get over it.

 

THERESA MAY: By the way, I’ve started the clock on this.

 

REMAINER: So I assume you have a plan?

 

THERESA MAY: Actually, back in a bit. Just having another election.

 

REMAINER: Jeremy, are you going to sort this out?

 

JEREMY CORBYN: Yes. No. Maybe.

 

EU: It’s our cake.

 

LEAVER: Where’s my omelette? I voted for an omelette.

 

REMAINER: This is ridiculous. This is never going to work. We should have another vote, or at least stop what we’re doing until we know how to get the eggs out of the cake while keeping the bits of the cake that we all like.

 

LEAVER/MAY/CORBYN: WE HAD A VOTE. STOP SABOTAGING THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE. EGGSIT MEANS EGGSIT.

 

REMAINER: Fine, I’m moving to France. The cakes are nicer there.

 

LEAVER: You can’t. We’ve taken your freedom of movement.


Edited by capdagde, 21 October 2018 - 07:19 AM.

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#2 jacko

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Posted 21 October 2018 - 10:17 AM

So I will get my own chickens and hence my own eggs...

 

European Union Council Directive 1999/74/EC[1] is legislation passed by the European Union on the minimum standards for keeping egg laying hens which effectively bans conventional battery cages. The directive, passed in 1999, banned conventional battery cages in the EU from 1 January 2012 after a 13-year phase-out. Battery cages were already banned in Germany, Austria, the Netherlands and Sweden prior to 2012. The directive does not apply to establishments with fewer than 350 laying hens or establishments rearing breeding laying hens. Such establishments are, however, subject to the requirements of Directive 98/58/EC. The directive is not supported with fines, penalties or export bans.

As alternatives to battery cages, Directive 1999/74/EC allows non-cage systems and furnished cages. Furnished cages therefore represent a feasible alternative to battery cages in the EU after 2012. Under the directive, furnished cages must provide at least the following: 750 cm2 per hen, of which 600 cm2 is 45 cm high, a nest, a littered area for scratching and pecking, 15 cm of perch and 12 cm of food trough per hen and a claw shortening device. Austria banned battery cages in 2009 and is set to ban furnished cages by 2020. Belgium has also banned the battery cage – and proposes to ban furnished cages by 2024. Germany has introduced a ‘family cage’, which has more space than the furnished cages used in other countries, however, consumers in Germany have been rejecting these eggs. Outside the EU, Switzerland has already banned both the battery and furnished cage systems.[2]

In February 2010, the Polish government formally requested the EU to delay enacting Directive 1999/74/EC by 5 years until 2017,[3] however, this was unsuccessful.

According to figures submitted to the European Commission in 2011, 14 countries were expected to be battery cage free by 1 January 2012. However, six states including Portugal, Poland and Romania admitted they would not be ready, while Spain and Italy, among others, did not know or would not say whether they will meet the deadline.[4] In France one third of egg producers have gone out of business and according to figures of the UGPVB (the industry association) 5% of producers were still not compliant as of January 2012 and have had their licences withdrawn.[5] This has led to fears that cheaper, illegal eggs, particularly liquid egg products, from non-compliant states will flood the market undercutting compliant egg producers. John Dalli, the EU health commissioner, has issued legal warnings to 13 countries over their lack of readiness or effort to enforce the ban.[6] The 13 member states already found to be in breach of the directive are: Hungary, Italy, Latvia, Spain, Greece, Belgium, Bulgaria, Cyprus, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Slovakia and the Netherlands.[7]

 

Oh Fuck!


Edited by jacko, 21 October 2018 - 12:34 PM.

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#3 atlas2

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Posted 21 October 2018 - 10:52 AM

That cracked me up.


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#4 KOJO

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Posted 21 October 2018 - 12:15 PM

Sounds like  Monty Python  is running the country ! HA! HA! HA!


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#5 gs joe

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Posted 21 October 2018 - 04:25 PM

That cracked me up.


Me too Eggcellent ,


Joe
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#6 misteregg

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Posted 28 October 2018 - 06:17 AM

We didn’t vote to put the eggs in the cake in 1974, we voted for an omelette but the omelette started getting fatter and fatter and turned into a cake WITHOUT ASKING US.
So when we voted if we wanted to leave the cake we said yes.
We never voted for a European political Union, only a kind of trade deal (EEC) As soon as we saw what the real agenda was and how this was not what we wanted we democratically elected to leave.
Democracy being,as it is, the pillar of the EU, we will be given every assistance to leave. We all know what happens next.
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#7 sinbinjack

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Posted 13 November 2018 - 03:31 AM

I remember many years ago standing outside a Parisien Cafe looking at the menu trying to work out what Omelette was in french. I really was standing there trying to come up with some word that included oeufs. Sometimes you just have to laugh. 


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#8 atlas2

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Posted 13 November 2018 - 06:23 AM

If le omelette iz sheeeeet.... is beterrr to let it be.
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#9 misteregg

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Posted 13 November 2018 - 12:38 PM

BTW an omelette restaurant has opened two doors down from my bar and they have the nerve to call it an Egg Center
Cheeky buggers.
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